Phase out: Planned Parenthood, Phase in: AutoAbort

Good news! Your best friend the government just came out with a new vaccine! This one to prevent birth.

Instead of taking a pill every day to prevent pregnancy, you can just have periodic miscarriages.

Side effects: Recurrent bleeding and an occasional feeling of loss.




What I hate: Eugenics

What I love: Informed consent

Show me on the doll where the TSA touched you

People across America are really freaking out…..they are muttering the whole way through security, posting angry status updates after flying, making powerful “I’m going to do something about this “ eye contact with TSA workers at the airport …I mean really serious stuff. Rightly so I suppose….the government is paying for and enforcing child molestation, grandma defiling, even hot-girl under the shirt/over the bra action. That’s not okay.

I think the real solution can be found in that conversation we all had with our moms. Not the official sex talk, the one you get right after your first invitation to a sleep over party. I’m talking about goodtouch-badtouch. Really Americas are trying too hard to fight for their fourth amendment right. You don’t have to go through all the trouble of writing a brief email to your senator’s summer intern or having a pissy tone with the TSA employee. Liberty is way more attainable than that. No means no people. Our government understands that. We just aren’t effectively communicating the simple fact that they are sexually violating us….and taking pictures of it. They wouldn’t do it if we were…right?

So next time you are given the alternative of making soft core porn while undergoing a radiation treatment or being molested: pick molestation, and scream every time they touch you. Yell things like “bad touch!,” “no, please stop,” or simply cry in agony. Its not rape if you don’t scream right?….wait.

Listen America: Its not your fault. You’re safe now. Good for you for being brave.

I mean probably this little kid had a gun or something. Not like they ever actually find the guns.

Time to get real

Seriously. Look around. It's time.